Dear Amy: I was raised in a very abusive environment. The abuse was very seriously physical on my dad’s side, and mentally and emotionally on my mom’s.

I left home at 17. I limited my interactions with both sides thereafter. Nobody even contacted me when they died.

There are other siblings involved. They seem to have just accepted the abuse, and continue to interact with one stepparent who dished out a lot of it.

One sibling can’t understand why I won’t have a relationship with this person.

I’ve been in therapy for years now. How can I make that sibling understand? — Wounded

Dear Wounded: Your therapy can address your need to make this sibling understand why you are keeping your distance from family members who have hurt you.

A central question to ask yourself (and try to answer) is: “If my sibling doesn’t understand me or refuses to understand me … what then?”

Abusive households create a system of total chaos among all the people who live within them. Alliances form and shift. Some people are less traumatized than others.

Some do better if they live in a state of semi-denial. Some are able to forgive — or forget. What no family member should do is insist that others must feel the way they feel, or react the way they do. That goes for your sibling, and it also goes for you. You have a duty to take care of yourself, to protect yourself, and to continue to work toward your own continued healing.

Dear Amy: I identified with the question from “No Hugs, Please!” When I was a kid, we had an uncle who made me uncomfortable with his insistence on hugging the kids in the family.

I’m not saying he was a creep, but I found all sorts of ways to avoid him. I wish my folks had taught me that it was OK to just say that I didn’t want to be hugged. — Don’t Hug Me

Dear Don’t: Parents should encourage their kids to use their voices — while understanding that they can’t always do so.