The Denver Gazette

ADVICE

AMY DICKINSON Send questions to askamy@amydickinson.com or to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068

Dear Amy: I have a good friend from college who I’ve kept in touch with for decades.

He lives in another part of the country, and I see him every few years.

He’s had a lot of challenges in life. I’ve always been a good friend to him, and really care about him. We share a lot of laughs.

Unfortunately, he is an alcoholic.

His daughter once told my husband and me not to confront him about his drinking because he will get defensive.

The problem is, he regularly “drinks and dials.” I don’t pick up if he calls in the evening. He sometimes leaves slurring, rambling voicemails for me. I will call him back a few days later during the day when he is sober.

He recently left a particularly drunken voicemail, and I haven’t called him back. I doubt he even remembers leaving the message.

I’ve never confronted him about his drinking, but I’d like to ask him not to call when he’s been drinking. How do I get this message across when he denies he has a problem?

After this most recent voicemail, I’ve been tempted to call him back and ask if everything is OK because he sounded really out of it. How do you suggest I conduct this conversation? — Not Picking Up

Dear Not Picking Up: You don’t actually know if your friend denies he has a problem, because you’ve never attempted to discuss it with him. His daughter’s experience trying to address this might be very different from your own.

Yes, you should call and ask if everything is OK because of the garbled voicemail message he left. You should also tell him that he drunk-dials you fairly often, which is why you don’t pick up his calls in the evening. Let him know that you are always happy to talk to him, but it’s easier for you when he is sober.

This might be embarrassing or awkward for you both, but I suggest that you accept his situation for what it is. Do not assume that your honesty will change his drinking or alter the course of his disease, and continue to keep in touch with him.

TAKE OUR ADVICE

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2023-03-27T07:00:00.0000000Z

2023-03-27T07:00:00.0000000Z

https://daily.denvergazette.com/article/282359748964288

The Gazette, Colorado Springs